YES – NO TECHNOLOGY

GETTING PAST NO

You must break the spell when your mind :

• Tells you that people don’t change 
• Keeps you trapped in rigid habits 
• Traps the mind in obsessive thoughts 
• Creates cravings that cannot be appeased 
• Puts up fear as a threat if you try to break free 
• Forbids you to have certain thoughts 
• Makes natural urges seem illicit or dangerous

It takes mini-breakthroughs to get past the power of no because there is so much negativity to overcome in so many areas.

Now lets look at the specific areas where the power of no needs to be dislodged.

NEGATIVE BELIEF #1: PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE. This familiar assertion seems reasonable in moments of discouragement and frustration, but if you look more closely, it has the effect of shutting down change in yourself.

From your souls perspective , however none of this is real. Its obvious that people continually change. You must stop reinforcing the power of no if you want to reach your soul.

• See yourself changing all the time 
• Encourage change in others 
• When you hear yourself uttering a fixed opinion, stop. 
• When someone offers a counter opinion, don’t resist. 
• Argue from the opposite side every once in a while. 
• Don’t stamp out the fragile beginnings of change, either in yourself or others 
• Stop being absolute. Let your attitude be more flexibe and provisional. 
• Don’t take pride in being right. 
• When you have an impulse to grow and evolve, follow it without regard for the opinions of others. 

NEGATIVE BELIEF#2: HABITS KEEP US TRAPPED. Everyone knows what it means to be caught up in habitual behavior. Life’s everyday struggle is dominated by our inability to think and behave in a new way. in general, habit makes inertia easier than change.

From our soul’s perspective , a habit is just a choice that is ingrained for practical purposes. There’s no

Issue of goo d and bad, right or wrong. You always have the choice to erase the imprint and create a new one. To break out of any habit, you need to reclaim your power to choose.

• Don’t fight against a bad habit. look at it objectively, as if another person had the habit. 
• Ask yourself why you have chosen your habits. 
• Examine what benefit you are getting, usually at a hidden level. 
• Be honest about your choice. Instead of saying, “this is just how I am,” admit that you have chosen inertia over change frightens or threatens you. 
• If you feel victimized by a bad habit, ask yourself why you need to be a victim. Is it an easy way to keep from taking responsibility? 
• Find a reason to adopt a good habit in place of the bad one; make your reason convincing, and keep repeating it to your self whenever the old habit arises. 

Your aim is to break the spell that says you have no choices . you always have choices.

NEGATIVE BELIEF#3: OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS ARE IN CONTROL. Most people don’t think they are obsessive. They identify obsessions with mental disorders, when in fact an obsessive-compulsive disorder is just an extreme variation on a universal condition. Obsessions are yet another way that power of no removes your ability to choose. You can’t assume that a thought becomes an obsession only if it’s immoral, wrong, or irrational. One can obsess about things that society approves of and rewards. We all know people who obsess about winning, or getting back at those who wronged them, or money, or ambition. By definition, an obsessive thought is one that’s stronger than you are. That’s where the power of no does its damage.

From the soul’s perspective, thinking is an expression of freedom. The mind isn’t compelled to prefer one thought over another. Much less is the mind a machine programmed to repeat the same message over and over. What keeps us trapped in repetition is the belief that “I must think this way.” Other alternatives are closed off by fear, prejudice, self-interest, and guilt. To break out of obsessive thinking, you must examine this deeper level where “I must” holds sway.

• Don’t struggle against thoughts that keep repeating themselves. 
• When people tell you that you keep doing the same thing, believe them. 
• Don’t accept that winning, always being out for number one, or always doing anything is productive. 
• Don’t pride yourself on consistency for consisteny’s sake. 
• If you feel trapped by an obsession, ask yourself what you’re afraid of. Repetition is a mask for anxiety. 
• Stop rationalizing. Put your attention on how your thoughts feel, not on what they say. 
• Be honest about the frustration you feel with having the same idea over and over. 
• Don’t defend your prejudices. 
• Take active steps to reduce stress, which is a major cause of obsessions. Under stress, the mind keeps repeating the same thing because it isn’t relaxed or open enough to find an alternative. 
• Through meditation, seek the level of your mind that isn’t obsessed, that has no fixed ideas. 

NEGATIVE BELIEF#4: CRAVINGS CAN NEVER BE APPEASED. When cravings keep returning, they force you either to give in or resist (the futility of this struggle was touched on earlier). The power of no insists that you have no other alternative. Once again, a repetitive pattern imprinted in the brain overrides free choice. Your craving takes on a life of its own, and if taken to extremes, it becomes an addiction. The difference has to do with just how limited you become. Someone who craves chocolate can’t resist eating some, but if addicted, they would eat nothing else.

From your soul’s perspective, a craving is another example of a shortcut imprinted in the brain. The option to reset your reactions always exists. Under the spell of no, you willingly gave up that option, but anything you give up you can also reclaim. 

When a craving arises, don’t make it an either/ or choice. 

Instead of either giving in or resisting, do one of the following: walk away, postpone your choice, find a distraction, pause and watch yourself, or substitute another pleasure. 

Don’t think of defeating your craving. Think instead that you are gradually erasing an imprint.
When you feel discouraged for giving in, be with your feelings instead of pushing them away.
Realize why appeasing a craving never works: you can never get enough of what you didn’t want in the first place. 

Find out what you really want, whether it’s love, comfort, approval, or security. These are the basic needs that cravings try to substitute for. 

Pursue your real need. If you do, the craving will automatically lose its grip and in time will vanish.
If for any reason you can turn away from your old craving, seize that moment, even if your craving soon returns. Every small victory imprints the brain in a new pattern. Don’t see this as a temporary victory – see it as a sign that you can find the switch that turns your craving off.

NEGATIVE BELIEF#5: FEAR KEEPS YOU FROM BEING FREE. The power of no uses fear as its enforcer. Like a hired gun, it holds a threat that is merciless an indifferent. Under the spell of no, the mind finds any and every reason to be afraid. The simplest things become objects of anxiety. The most unlikely risks loom as dangers that can befall you at any moment. When you find yourself in a defensive posture, you have denied yourself the most basic freedom, which is to be safe in the world. It’s not the external threat that creates this situation. We project our fixed beliefs onto every situation, so feeling safe or unsafe becomes a personal decision.

From the soul’s perspective, you are always safe. The universe cherishes your existence. Nature is designed to uphold your well-being. To get beyond a phobia, you must call its bluff and reassert that you are safe.
Don’t fight your fears when you are actually afraid. 

• When you feel calm and safe, call your fear to mind so that it can be examined. 
• Fear is convincing, but that doesn’t make it right. Make sure you see this distinction. 
• Anxiety tends to obsess about reasons to be afraid, stoking its own fire. Don’t be fooled by repetition. A situation doesn’t become more dangerous just because you keep thinking it is. 
• Separate the energy of fear from the content of your experience. Instead of worrying about the thing that makes you anxious, go directly to the feeling of anxiety and move the energy as you would any other, through physical release, toning, meditation, and other techniques. 
• Realize that you are not basically afraid. Fear is a passing emotion that can be released. 
• Know that you have a choice to either hold on to fear or let it go. If you feel anxious, take immediate steps to let go. Don’t dwell on fear or try to reason with it. 
• Avoid blaming yourself. Fear is universal. It is felt by the bravest, strongest people. To be afraid doesn’t mean you are weak. It means you haven’t yet let go. 
• Be patient with yourself. Fear and anxiety are the biggest obstacles for everyone. Be thankful and congratulate yourself every time you overcome fear. 
• Don’t consider it a defeat if fear returns. The time will soon come when you can sit calmly and move the energy of fear. Ultimately you are the one in control. 

NEGATIVE BELIEF#6: "BAD" THOUGHTS ARE FORBIDDEN AND DANGEROUS. 

People expend a lot of subtle energy in pushing down thoughts they don’t want to face. Denial and repression seem appealing as short-term solutions. What you don’t think about may go away. But there’s a sticky quality to bad thoughts – which are any thoughts that make you feel guilty, ashamed, humiliated, or distressed.

From the soul’s perspective, the mind has no boundaries. If you feel that it is forbidden to look at your rage, fear, jealousy, desperation, and feelings of vengeance, you are resorting to a false sense of self. Specially, you are dividing yourself into good and bad impulses. The paradox is that your good side can never ultimately win, because the bad side will constantly fight to be released. An inner struggle ensures. You wind up living in a state of underground war-fare. Instead of trying to be good all the time, try to win your freedom. When the mind is free, thoughts come and go spontaneously. Whether good or bad, you don’t hold on to them. As long as the mind is allowed to flow, no thought is dangerous, and therefore nothing if forbidden. 

• See the difference between having a “bad” thought and acting on it. 
• Don’t identify with your thoughts. They aren’t you; they are passing events in the mind. 
• Resist the urge to demonize. Judgment makes illicit impulses stick around. 
• Learn the value of acceptance. 
• Don’t condemn others for their thoughts. 
• Don’t set up a false ideal of yourself. See clearly that every kind of thought, mood, and sensation exists in your makeup. 
• Celebrate the diversity of your mind. A mind that is free to think any way it wants should be appreciated, not suppressed. 
• If you were taught that god will hate you for sinful thoughts, try to detach yourself from this perspective. Holding a judgmental God responsible for your own self-judgment is a delusion. 
• Don’t fixate on being right all the time. Being right is just a disguise for making other people wrong. In the shadows, you secretly fear that something is wrong with you, which is why you fight so hard to appear infallible – you think it makes you good. 
• When you are tempted to control your mind, stand back and realize that task is impossible to begin with. Even the most disciplined mind has a way of breaking out of its chains. 

NEGATIVE BELIEF#7: NATURAL URGES ARE ILLICIT OR DANGEROUS. Silence there is no such thing as an artificial urge, all urges are natural. They arise from either a desire or a need. When the mind intervenes, however, any urge can become a danger. Eating a candy bar feels dangerous if you are obsessed with your weight. Loving somebody feels dangerous if you fear rejection. There is a tangled dance between what we feel and what we think we should feel, and everyone is caught up in the dance, which is why disputes over social values can lead to violence.

From your soul’s perspective, all urges are based on legitimate needs. When the need is seen and fulfilled, the urge fades away, just as hunger fades once you eat. However, when a need is denied or judged against, it has no choice but to become more insistent.

• Stop seeing this as a matter of self-control. Every kind of urge comes and goes in everyone. 
• Be willing to stop judging against yourself. Bad urges don’t make you a bad person. 
• Know that neither side will ever win an internal war. 
• Don’t make this a test of willpower. Giving in to an urge isn’t proof that you need to discipline. Acting on your urges serves only as a temporary release of energy, like opening a steam gasket. There will always be more steam. 
• Guilt is a perception, and all perceptions are open to change. You can’t instantly change guilt to approval, but you can see guilt as negotiable. When you remove the underlying energy that forces you to be guilty, a new perception can flower. 
• Realize that your soul never judges you. With that in mind, your aims is to live from the level of the soul. That is the final answer to the war between good and bad.

- Deepak Chopra